the one where I hate on something everyone else loves.

I think an apt title for this post is Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs Hockey Pucks. Also, this post is totally long.

Fake love is a very powerful thing. That girl who adored John Cusack once had the opportunity to speand a weekend with me in New York at the Waldorf-Astoria, but elected to fly to Portland instead to see the first U.S appearance by Coldplay, a British pop group whose success derives from their ability to write melodramatic alt-rock songs about fake love…. None of that matters. What matters is that Coldplay manufactures fake love as frenetically as the Ford fucking Motor Company manufactures Mustangs, and that’s all this woman heard. “For you I bleed myself dry,” sang their blockhead vocalist, brilliantly informing us that the stars in the sky are in fact, yellow. How am I going to compete with that shit?

-Chuck Klosterman. This is Emo. Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs.

This isn’t working for me. While I think visually, it’s well assemble the song selection is pretty much atrocious. And before you think it’s because I hate Coldplay, hold tight. The song comes off the one Coldplay album I will admit to actually liking it and it’s in my itunes. And I even BOUGHT the album, so suck it. Anyway, I take issue with the fact that the lyrics for the idea of this video are a bad move and Coldplay just isn’t working.

The gist of the song is it’s about a dude, let’s call him Chris Martin. Anyway, he is basically a really terrible friend/lover/comrade etc. And he has to show up all the time and tell everyone he is sorry because he is a bad person. We don’t know how he is bad. But based on the over tones and themes of A Rush of Blood to the Head I would assume he is of the distant, emotionally unattached variety. In other words, he is someone I’ve probably dated.

And he is involved with someone just like him most likely (The Politik) where he asks for the lady, hey let’s call her Gwen “to give me real/ don’t give me fake” and “give me strength/reserve control/give me heart and give me soul.” There is some sort of tension or difficulties in the relationship because neither party seems to know entirely the direction; (God Put a Smile Upon Your Face), “now when you work it out I’m worse than you…” and “where do we go nobody knows…” With The Scientist there is a need to go back to the beginning of the relationship, apologize and start over. I still maintain Chris was probably a bit of a prick to Gwen, who is not innocent either. And in Clocks? Chris is saying sorry all over again. He is “begging and pleading” and going on about how “nothing else compares” and is whining on and on about “home…where I wanted to belong.”

It’s not all entirely gloom and doom. On Daylight, Chris goes on about how rad the sunrise is. Nothing really that profound can be drawn from that. Unless the constant allusion to light and dark on the album have to do with birth and death and good and evil. So if anything, perhaps this song just continues the trend, but a bit more upbeat. Same with the track Green Eyes. Even though Chris and Gwen’s relationship is probably average and boring like everyone else, he recognizes that there is something in her that makes him a bit stable even though he is imperfect. Together, the two flawed beings makes an ok pair.

But then it all turns again and we are back to the whining and moping and pining with Warning Sign. Chris is missing Gwen! His mind and eyes decide to wander and he “looks for excuses” and he just needs to tell her “what a state he is in, in my loudest tones.” Which I assume means he is having drunk regret and will resort to talking loudly about how he misses youuuuuu and he is tiredddddd and he shouldn’t have let you goooooooo. Then that brings us to A Whisper where there is whining and moping and pining. Man where have I heard that before. There are more lyrics relating to light and dark and Chris talks about clocks and is missing Gwen some more.

The title track is about intentional destruction in order to build something great. To force a phoenix from the ashes rebirth. Which I suppose works since the Pens did tank for a few years to load up on some top talent. Now Chris goes from being all emotional to “buying and gun and starting a war.” Hold on, brodawg, we don’t need weapons. I am just talking here. And really dude, you are kinda a downer. Like how are you so sad when you are a millionaire? But it’s cool now you recognize all those mistakes you made and you want to try again and start over. But you are essentially blaming this all on a brain freeze.

The closing track is probably the darkest of the album with Chris going on about how he wants to die or probably will and there is a noose involved. He’s has some ball of chain and he feels like he is fading. We know it’s a melodramatic song because there is a piano. And a choir. He end with about “being cut loose” but it’s unknown whether it’s finding salvation in the love of another or if the being loose is the freedom of death.

If you managed to get through all that and take me semi seriously, thanks. But really, Coldplay is just not hockey music. This whole album is a thread on not having one’s self together. Not to mention it totally lacks the swagger and bravado I find necessary for something as brutal and wonderful that is hockey.

It’s perhaps for the better I don’t run things because I know better than to just unleash my music for the masses. But there is just something in me that freaks out over song abuse like this. Like in The OC when Marissa shoots what’s his face and then Imogen Heap’s Hide and Seek starts playing. And it’s the most unintentionally hilarious thing ever. I have fits when songs like You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling is played at weddings. And yes that has happened on more than one occasion. Even at eight years old I knew what irony was.

About wrap around curl
Hi I'm Heather. Call me WAC. Everyone else does.

18 Responses to the one where I hate on something everyone else loves.

  1. eyebleaf says:

    How? How was it possible to NOT enjoy that?

    Have truer words about the Stanley Cup – “Nobody said it was easy … no one ever said it would be this hard …” – ever been spoken!?!?

  2. Lori says:

    I agree 100%. Next time they need to set a NHL commercial to the Fray. esh.

  3. alix says:

    Thank you! I agree completely. I thought the visual montage was stunning, but I need like some angry bitch I’m going to pound your face in music with my hockey.

  4. eyebleaf says:



  5. mf37 says:

    I didn’t dig the montage either. I get what they were going for and it was well done but it’s not what I’m looking for to open the Stanley Cup finals. A mid-tempo, minor key, plaintive number? No thanks.

  6. Scotty says:

    That sucked! No hate on cold play it just didn’t hit home. Maybe in more context with the pregame it did but I just think it was to kill 3 and a half minutes of the pregame.

  7. Sean says:

    I think the song & montage works beautifully. The song is about trying to get back to the start of a relationship…the entire montage was about the starts….the 1st goals, being drafted, the symmetry of last year’s finals…it was goosebump worthy and looked really cool.

    ive seen enough up-tempo intros during the NBA playoffs. The best way to start a big sports event is to go for goosebumps.

    • Sure its about going back to the start but the song and album has the constant theme of wanting to go back to the beginning and apologizing.

      Don’t say sorry, and don’t go back to the past. Focus on the future since every time he returns to the beginning it ends poorly and there is regret.

      And the only down tempo commercial ever is the cup raise commercial.

  8. bkblades says:

    While I’m not a fan of this particular choice of song, I like the use of low-key, slow-tempo songs for hockey montages. I tire of the Nickelback and their knockoffs quite easily, so it’s refreshing to see another choice of music. I wouldn’t have chosen Scientist, but that’s likely my bias against Coldplay.

  9. This is the only Coldplay song I think would have been acceptable. And that’s because it’s the Mark Ronson version.


  10. Kevin says:

    One thing Versus gets right. Instead of using Coldplay, they use Explosions In The Sky for those commercials with the shitty color palette.

  11. Turd Ferguson says:

    The only Coldplay song there that could have kinda worked with that footage would have been Viva la Vida, and even then I would have not liked it because…it’s still Coldplay.

    And around the 4 minute mark of that video is probably the single most beautiful suit I’ve ever seen Don Cherry wear.

  12. skoka says:

    seems the cbc did its job…got ppl talking right?

    • mf37 says:

      By that logic, the CBC could have aired four minutes of Mike Babcock eating porridge set to music by Canada’s own Nihilist Spasm Band . It would get people talking, right?

  13. Duck Diddy says:

    Hockey is such a brutal game, the brutality is just so powerful it knocks me flat out every time i watch it. Give me some “hockey music” and a beer!

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