Avery’s Road to Redemption

I love Sean Avery.

Anyone who has read my stuff even passively might be aware of my fawning over Mr. Avery. He is interesting. He has depth. He would probably be a nice throw in the sheets and would buy me a lovely pair shoes. I am a pretty little lady and I am allowed to dream.

I found his “sloppy seconds” comment to be hilariously inappropriate. I figured Avery operates on the Warholism, “Don’t read what they write about you. Just measure it in inches.” But apparently his remark didn’t go over so lovely and he is in a bit of a hole.

Fine. Let’s get my babycakes out of the doghouse. He apparently apologized to Cuthbert. Yeah whatever. Anyways, the six game suspension wasn’t good enough for some peeps.

I took intro to public relations once for a quarter. I totally passed which I think qualifies me to ramble on about how I’d theoretically undo the damage;

-Sean? Go on Martha Stewart and bake some friggen cookies. Martha will interview just about anyone and make them look awesome. I mean, she made mashed potatoes with Snoop Dogg that had some kind of booze in them. Make nice with Martha and pick up the Sears demographic.

-Cuthbert snagged the slot (ha!) as the celebrity judge on Canada’s Project Runway. Hey guess what I want you to do? Sub in one epi for her. It totally works. You smile, nod and PLAY NICE. No picking up the models/designers/host. Learn to make witticisms on fashion. Plus it guarantees you getting dibbs the newest Yves St Laurent hi tops.

-Ok this one is a toughie. It requires Kelly Ripa. And she is totally fucking annoying. But…You really need to sit in for Regis. Take notes from Anderson Cooper. I mean, how charming was he talking about watching Living Lohan? So Sean, talk to Kelly about how you secretly love it when Bravo runs Must Love Dogs or how you TiVo America’s Next Top Model. Grin and be a bit sheepish.

-You+Conan O’Brien=Magiccccccc. One I have a soft spot for that giant ginger man. Two, you schmooze the late night crowd. Teach Conan the ins and outs of a hockey fight. In fact, see if you can get him in skates and do a demo. Hilarity would ensue, of course. It’d be like the time John Malkovich taught him to leg wrestle. But extra awesome.

All better.

Yeah I lol’d that.


About wrap around curl
Hi I'm Heather. Call me WAC. Everyone else does.

6 Responses to Avery’s Road to Redemption

  1. Lori says:

    Haha, you gave me the best Conan visual… I think all of those things need to happen.

  2. eyebleaf says:

    Avery on Martha Stewart is the greatest idea. Ever. Nothing says “I’m sorry” like baking cookies. Also, Avery on Conan would definitely be must-see TV. I heart that ginger man as well.

  3. hipchecks says:

    Ok, I am not an Avery fan (but I did find what he said hilarious, totally sounded like a bitter ex) but I think him on Project Runway would be awesome. Hell, stick him on the American version so I can see it. I would love to hear his opinions on some of that fashion. Fabulous.

  4. funny thing: nearly all the shows I mentioned are on NBC. Who does the NHL occasionally broadcast through?! NBC! It’s like brand effing synergy and shizz.

  5. Chris Wassel says:

    Avery is priceless….sure he is a jerk but he would make quality tv anywhere he goes! That is the bottom line and even the NHL knows it….AVERY SELLS!

  6. @ Chrisl that is my point exactly. He is savvy.

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